Tomorrow my favourite handyman and I will celebrate our 33rd anniversary! I love being married to him and he truly is my best friend. He is the one I want to call when I have news of something, good or bad. I look forward to seeing him at the end of every work day and I enjoy our nightly games of cribbage and hot tub chats.
But, let me be honest, I don’t like him all the time… sometimes he just makes me crazy.
Let me give you an example…
Tim is one of the best troubleshooters of all time. He can fix almost anything and that has been a great asset to our new little business.
But it is not uncommon for me to bring him a piece of furniture that is broken to have him say it is not fixable. Now, I know that if I give him time, he will think about it and come up with a solution… like I said, he is a great troubleshooter and usually loves a challenge. But sometimes he just wants to be a negative Nelly. He gets grumpy and pessimistic, and this can drive me mad!
When he does this I have two choices.
- I could get grumpy right back! I could tell him he is being miserable and unreasonable and that I know if he really wanted to he could find a solution!
- OR…I could simply smile at him and say, “I am confident that you will come up with a solution.” And then walk away and let him brew on it, till he figures out how he is going to make it work!
I’m pretty sure you can guess what I usually do!
You see, I have learned over the years that I can’t control his moods or responses, but I can control mine. I choose how to influence the situation by my words and my actions. If I want a peaceful home, I have to respond to things in a peaceful manner. If I want to be spoken to with kindness, I have to speak kindly.
And I am really lucky because I have a handyman that tires equally as hard to speak kindly to me. This is not something that I take for granted.
So what can you do if you find that you and your love are throwing barbs at each other? I have a few suggestions for you that may help…
- Have a conversation with your spouse about making some changes. Wait till a time when you are both in a good space and then tell him/her that you have decided to make a conscious change in your behaviour. Tell them that you have noticed that your words are getting sharp and you want to be more respectful and less confrontational with your words. Notice I didn’t say you should ask your spouse to be kinder… you can’t control them, you can only control you.
- DO IT! Stop and think before you speak. Ask yourself if your planned response will help or hurt your relationship. And if you can’t think of a way to respond that will help the relationship, just be quiet! And I don’t mean you should give your spouse the silent treatment, just politely say, “I don’t really know how to respond to that right now that won’t be hurtful, so give me some time to think.
Kindness is a simple tool that will help make your home not only happier but more peaceful and joyful. Love truly is kind!
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